Circumstance, Compromise and Women

Do women compromise more than men do? I think so. Is this good? I think so. But this is exactly what makes us seem fickle, i guess.

So much in a woman's life is governed by circumstance and chance that perhaps somewhere along the line she learns to choose the easy way. The way to let things unfold as though they have a will of their own. A passivity and a peace that i sometimes feel men completely lack. It is this quality in women that allows us to listen to problems without offering solutions. We know that all problems need not or cannot be solved. We know that sometimes listening is all that is required.

"A conflict is a failed negotiation." - Couldn't this be interpreted to mean that a conflict is a failure to reach a compromise? Most of the conflicts in the world belong to men. It is men who start and fight wars.

What brought this line of thinking on? I was asked recently by a group of friends about my plans for the next six months. I found that i did not have a single answer. You could say i had too many answers or you could say i had none.

Does empowering women mean that they always have control of their life, their destiny? Then maybe i am not so empowered. Circumstance plays a large part in my life as well. And i find that all the terms they use in office for success 'being proactive' and 'being in control' and 'planning' do not have much effect or meaning sometimes. Sometimes you have to just flow with the course of things and relinquish 'control'. I have not yet decided if i feel comfortable about being so out of control with my life.

Such a confused jumble of thoughts. I attended a seminar given by a famous gynaecologist from Chennai recently. This was a seminar on women's health and fitness and it was organized at work. I expected that this women would be modern and liberal in her outlook. She was confident, intelligent and beautiful. Everything i aspired to be. She gave an awesome speech and was very matter of fact when talking about many issues that could have made her audience feel squeamish. She made everyone comfortable. The unmarried, the newly weds, the mothers!! And she told us that in any relationship, it should be the woman who compromises first, because she said.. we have a gift for compromise.

But like all gifts it is a gift that carries with it some bitterness. A woman's endurance and passivity are the reasons she sometimes does not act when she should. Why she bears circumstances of such cruelty and oppression that she never should. I guess we need to know where to draw the line. Erasing the line and refusing any adjustment or compromise or asking for total control is not the answer either.

There is no black or white only shades of grey. I discover this more and more each passing day.

Amadeus and Mediocrity..

A few weeks back i saw this play 'Amadeus'. I'd always wanted to know more about Salieri - Salieri was Mozart's contemporary. Salieri calls himself the patron saint of mediocrity. His one ambition in life was to raise above the mediocre and be famed as the best musician and composer of his time. And he did attain fame. Atleast during his lifetime. He was the court musician for the Prussian King. However Salieri had the misfortune to be born at the same time as Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. The worst part was that Salieri was the only person who recognized Mozart's genius for what it was. God granted him fame - but he was not happy. He realized that he did not deserve his fame.

Salineri was haunting. He brought back to me those days where i used to feel so disappointed that talent was the only thing that ever counted. Not hard work, not attitude but sheer talent. What do i have against talent, you may ask. Nothing except the fact that it is not earned. You are simply lucky to receive a particular gift. I learnt the hard way to live with my own mediocrity. I may not be the best singer around - but i sing because i love singing. I may not be the best writer around - I write because i love writing. But the mediocrity stings. I wish like Salieri that i could have been a Mozart. Mozart in this play is shown to be completely frivolous, undisciplined and in no way a soul worthy enough to carry the gifts God bestowed on him. God plays cruel jokes on us sometimes, doesn't he. Or maybe they are funny in a way we do not yet comprehend.

Of cracks in perfection

Ring the bells that still can ring.
Forget your perfect offering.
There is a crack in everything.
That's how the light gets in.

--Leonard Cohen

Understanding my own hyprocisy...

I just did something which i don't think i'll ever understand.. and just at that moment i got this from a friend...

Coincidence.. ? perhaps...

Finding God

I found this really nice site during my browsing. They have a large collection of audio poetry and poems collected from different languages.

This is a German poem (translation) that i have never heard of before. (Not that that's very surprising. I haven't heard any german poetry before! :-) )

Anyway, here it is:

All Who Seek You

Rainer Maria Rilke

All who seek you
test you.
And those who find you
bind you to image and gesture.

I would rather sense you
as the earth sense you.
In my ripening
ripens
what you are.

I need from you no tricks
to prove you exist.
Time, I know,
is other than you.

No miracles, please.
Just let your laws
become clearer
from generation to generation.

The insensitivity that lies behind being frank

It really gets to me. Why do people pride themselves on being frank and open and honest when being insensitive and unkind is all they are?

If you can't pay somebody a compliment, then shut up. Do I really need to know that my outfit is not that great today? That my hair looks kind of messed up? Does anybody ever need to know stuff like that?

People who do this generally think they are doing me a favour by letting me know something is wrong. They are giving me an opportunity to deal with the wrong!! Please, i could live without it!!!!

Some time ago, i was asked by a so-called friend why i didn't choose to improve the dressing sense of one of my best friends. I was absolutely furious!! I like my best friend the way she is and I DO NOT see a reason to 'improve' her taste!

This is one of my favourite quotes.. an anonymous one...

"If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague"

Depression... A long time ago...

Here's a poem i wrote in the heights (or should i say depths) of depression about work... About 2 years back...

It brings back bittersweet memories...

Hope seems hard to find,
I tell myself, let me try harder,
That's all i can do,
Try harder,
But will it ever come to anything???
I do not know

There are times when all around seems darkness,
My back is bent with a burden,
So heavy: it seems your back is crying
What does one do at such times
Hope seems hard to find

There is nothing to it but to try harder
Yes, I know that's not the solution,
But it's the only way

I don't choose to try harder
But I must
Cos if I don't,
My back is bent,
And Hope seems hard to find

death....

It does not matter how young or strong you may be, the hour of death comes sooner that you expect.

Nothing ever happens...

This is a lovely song and i could think of no other song that suits my state of transience right now...

"I'm sitting here in the boring room
It's just another rainy Sunday afternoon
I'm wasting my time
I got nothing to do
I'm hanging around
I'm waiting for you
But nothing ever happens and I wonder

I'm driving around in my car
I'm driving too fast
I'm driving too far
I'd like to change my point of view
I feel so lonely
I'm waiting for you
But nothing ever happens and I wonder

I wonder how
I wonder why
Yesterday you told me 'bout the blue blue sky
And all that I can see is just a yellow lemon-tree
I'm turning my head up and down
I'm turning turning turning turning turning around
And all that I can see is just another lemon-tree

I'm sitting here
I miss the power
I'd like to go out taking a shower
But there's a heavy cloud inside my head
I feel so tired
Put myself into bed
Well, nothing ever happens and I wonder

Isolation is not good for me
Isolation I don't want to sit on the lemon-tree

I'm steppin' around in the desert of joy
Baby anyhow I'll get another toy
And everything will happen and you wonder

I wonder how
I wonder why
Yesterday you told me 'bout the blue blue sky
And all that I can see is just another lemon-tree
I'm turning my head up and down
I'm turning turning turning turning turning around
And all that I can see is just a yellow lemon-tree
And I wonder, wonder

I wonder how
I wonder why
Yesterday you told me 'bout the blue blue sky
And all that I can see, and all that I can see, and all that I can see
Is just a yellow lemon-tree "

The release of Writing.

I've loved to write since i was a school girl. And wanted to be a writer ever since i knew the meaning of the word. And although i haven't done any creative writing in a very long time, just penning down my thoughts from time to time has done me a world of good.

I had started to believe that i'd lost the hang of writing. I had started accepting the fact that maybe i would never again know that thrilling feeling of being out of control, when the words come out so fast and you can't write or type fast enough to get them down on paper. This blog has helped me get that feeling back. It doesn't matter how i write. It does not matter at all if i have no readers on my blog. (Readers, this is not an excuse for you to not comment! I still want comments!) That feeling is reason enough to write.

One of my favourite authors is Stephen King. I am not a special fan of horror books. But i read all of King's books because he just writes so goddamn well. A couple of years back, i found that he had written a non-fiction book on the art and craft of writing. The book is called 'On Writing' and is a simple, well-structured book. Read it if you are interested in writing and read it even if you are not cause it's an interesting read anyway. It provides interesting insights into King's life and lets you see what a professional writer actually things of the art.

King makes a couple of perceptions that i was very surprised to read. Because they mirrorred what i thought as well. I don't think too much of my writing skills. I sort of feel that i'm one of those people who'll keep talking of the fact that i want to write and never write anything good enough because i will never devote enough time and patience to the art, as much as i respect it. A sort of dilettante in writing, maybe. Is that the right word??

Well, i'm getting distracted from the point i was trying to make. The perceptions.

Number One: King describes a feeling similar to the one i have when i'm writing. That glorious feeling of being out of control. When the words rush out so fast that your fingers fly over the keyboard until they hurt. He calls this feeling 'falling through the hole in the paper'. Now, i don't know about you, but i find this description beautiful. It's so simple and it's exactly what happens when you're writing. You sort of free fall, out of control. And when you're doing creative writing (i've never experienced this much, because like i said, i haven't been able to do any creative writing recently. My muse refuses to come.), the hole in the paper is a sort of wormhole into another parallel universe. A universe that you create. Imagine Tolkien falling through the hole in his paper into Hobbit Land... Actually walking with Frodo, Sam and Aragorn. So King's description is magical and so true!

Number Two: King says that when you write a story, the author very often does not know the end of the story until he finishes writing it. There is something so awe-inspiring about this thought. Because the fact that the author - who is literally God to the characters in his novel - does not know the end of his book, gives the book a life of it's own. It makes the story a living, breathing thing, which nobody can control. This is an idealist view of writing. And i loved the fact that a writer like King still believed in it.

Number Three: The feeling of complete exhaustion after you write something. When you write with feeling, you write with mind, body and soul. And a bit of all three is left on paper.

Number Four: The fourth perception is not something King talks about in the novel 'On Writing'. He says this in another of his novels - i think it was 'Misery'. He says that no matter how many people a novel is dedicated to, the novel is written for the joy of the writer himself. The writer may love the fact that many people like his book, the book is a best-seller, the book is acclaimed by critics and the money his book gets him. But the book is written first and foremost for himself. King puts this across quite bluntly in the novel. He says that writing is a onanistic act. He's right! Writing is a private, exquisite pleasure. It cannot be shared and enjoying so much pleasure on your own makes you feel guilty!!

All in the name of Love

It's amazing how when you're thinking of something, you can find so many other things that seem to relate to your train of thought. I wanted to write about parental disapproval of love marriages and the difficulties their children face in opposing them and getting married to the person of their choice. And that was exactly when i read this post . This post talks about career choices and how most kids are influenced by parents onto a career path that does not really suit them. I found that the poem had profound meaning for what i wanted to say as well.

So many of those around me today seem to be in love. And they have been in their relationships for a long time or even if it is for a short time they are completely dedicated and committed to the relationship. In true Chennai form, most of these relationships are carried on without the knowledge of parents. There is no true concept of dating in Chennai. Parents would not dream of allowing their children to go out in this manner. So when a guy and girl fall in love, they hide the relationship from their parents and wait until the Big Day when they need to tell their parents that they are in love. More often that not, this is the day when the parents themselves start looking out for an alliance for their daughter. And so it is the girl who has to tell her parents that she is in love and that she has chosen her life partner herself. And then - all hell breaks loose.

When they fell in love, this guy and girl did not really notice the difference between them. Whether they belonged to different religions, different castes, different positions in society with respect to wealth and status. It's true, Love is Blind. And Deaf and Dumb too, most of the time. :-) But when she tells her parents about the guy - these are the first things that parents want to know. If there is a mismatch in any one of the above reasons, it is enough for the parent to refuse the daughter's request that she be allowed to live her life with who she wants - this guy she has fallen so much in love with. She tries telling them that he is a very eligible bachelor, he looks good, he earns well, he has gone Onsite a couple of times, he is very responsible, hard-working etc. It falls on deaf ears. She tries telling her parents that he loves her more than life. And that he will take care of her forever. No response from the parent. She tells her parents that she will be happy only with him. And if she cannot marry him, her life will become one of misery. Her parents stand like stone, immovable. All parents do not react in this way - there are various ways in which disapproval is expressed. There are parents who lock away their daughter at home and do not allow her to talk to the guy anymore until she is 'safely' engaged to a guy of their choice. There are parents who try to 'make their daughter see reason'. Tell her that it is for her own good that they are doing this. The guy she has chosen is simply not suitable for her. Differences in culture and upbringing cannot be forgotten so easily. There are also parents who begin a emotional blackmail. 'Is this what i brought you up to be?', they say. 'All the hard work over the years, all the dreams i had for your marriage.. are they to end like this??' Or even worse, they resort to blackmailing children with their lives... Lines like 'If you oppose me and get married to HIM, i will not be alive. You make the choice yourself, ME or HIM!!! '

It is not all parents who react like this, I know. But lately, most of my friends' parents seem to be reacting like this. And each of the girls in question, has chosen her parent over her lover, the man she had chosen to spend the rest of her life with. Why do parents do this? Why do they force children to give up on the love of their lives? Life is unpredictable. We do not know if we make the right choices. But that does not mean that we make no choice. We make our choices and our decisions and we learn to live by them. The girl or guy in love is entitled to make his or her choices in life, even if they are wrong ones. It is his or her life. And no one, not even the parent can live it for them.

Read Khalil Gibron's poem again. And please do not try to live our lives for us. Our mistakes are our own. Our joys are our own. Our life is our own. We will live and learn.

Caught in between...

I've wanted to write this for a very long time now.. but haven't cause i start feeling overwhelmed whenever i start on this issue and my fingers don't seem to move fast enough for me to write all i need to.

Hmmm. Where do i start.. i guess that i will start from something that happened on my trip to japan.. since i'm still very much in a state of hangover with japan..
;-)

Well, like all you people know, i stayed alone in japan and had to do quite a lot of cooking.. since vegetarian food is not very easily available there... Cooking and me.. well how i say this.. i can cook food that's good enough for me to eat.. since i rarely cook at home i don't really know how good or bad my cooking is. And truth to say, i can't say i'm much bothered about my cooking expertise (or lack thereof). I kind of see it as something that i need to know and don't necessarily need to be good at.. cos i'm a working woman.. See where i'm coming from now.. ;-) ??

Well in Japan, i was constantly expected to bring super lunches to office, just because i was a woman. I was supposed to drum up excellent sambhar and rasam, and a curry or a kootu each day.. ! And this when i was going home only by midnight or later each day (or should i say night) and had to come to work the next day at 9 30 AM!!! When is say, 'i was expected' i don't mean that my colleagues expected me to cook food for them and bring it.. (Sheesh, i'd have had quite a few things to say to them and none of them pretty, if they had!!!!) It's just that since i was a 'woman' they quite expected that i would be able to cook each day as well as work late nights at office.. !!! Now i don't know about you, but this constant living upto the superwoman image depresses me. Everytime i see some ad on a tv that shows this perfect woman who manages to have a brilliant career, look beautiful, have a perfect husband and two great kids, take care of her aging in-laws (forget the fact that her parents may be aged and even more in need of her), and run the best household to top it all... i can't help thinking.. is it only me who can't live up to be this paragon of perfection??? I just realized i can't remember exactly which ad shows this kind of an image but think back to all those wishes and cards we got on Women's day.. all those cards that say they salute a woman who plays so many roles, that of a mother, a wife, a dutiful daughter-in-law etc etc.. Do many women actually play all these roles with ease???

And yet it's these very same men who don't hold open a door for me or draw a chair for me.. or make any attempt to accompany me home when i have to go home really late at night. At all of those times, i'm the independant working woman, bold and confident to make my own way home and to do all my things on my own. Not a single finger is lifted on my behalf. And yet these same men treat other women (mostly, women from their own familes) in the best of ways possible. They treat their women like they were the most gentle and delicate souls on earth and meant to be protected and cared for at every step of their ways.

I don't know if the point i'm trying to make here is understandable. In fact, it's hardly a single point - it's too many. Am i wrong in expecting men to be chivalrous? Especially when i won't be the stereotype of my gender, what right do i have to expect men to be stereotypes of their gender?? Do i belong with the wives of the male colleauges i met in Japan - those who stayed at home contentedly and managed their households for their husbands? Do i belong to those brave women who burned bra's and took out rallies so women could vote, get an education, inherit wealth and in sum, be respected as human beings??? Do i belong to those career women who can leave a new born baby and go abroad cos that Onsite chance is never goin to come again??? Or am i supposed to manage all these roles and still do wonderfully well - jus because i'm a woman??????????

The Kite Runner

I didn't think i would post anything today. Today is the first day of my holiday week - a week i've taken off from work as compensatory leave... ;-) I had decided that i would not touch a computer for one whole week. But i just finished reading this amazing novel and i need to desperately tell somebody about it. So. Here i am.

I don't know how many of you have read this one 'The Kite Runner' by Khaled Hosseini. It's a story set in Afghanistan and there may be many like it in the market today, I don't know. I guess Afghanistan has been a 'happening' place over the last 5 years. Many people write about it today. It is a fashionable setting for a story in these troubled times.

This book is a tale of guilt, a guilt that began with the author as a young boy and stays with him throughout his lifetime. It is beautifully written. I've never reviewed a work of fiction before but i felt a pressing need to write something about this book. The best part of the story is that at no point of time does it feel like a story. The characters come alive, the pages seem to turn on their own. There is no pretension by the author, he is not writing to impress anybody. He is writing because he has a story to tell.

I thought initially that i would write something about the story in this post. But i cannot. It would spoil the story for you. But don't miss this one.

sakura photos...

take a look at the beautiful sakura.. if i'd stayed in japan for another week, would have been able to see them falling, falling, falling.. like i said in my last post.. the very beauty of these flowers is that their loveliness is so fleeting.. it makes you want to cry... i believe that the japanese have a word for this feeling.. they call it... ..
Mono no Aware
read that post of mari's to find out what this means..

p.s. i don't know who mari is.. but i'm addicted to her blog now.. ;-)

After Japan II

It's been so long since i posted anything. Almost 4 months.

I came back last week from Japan... So predictably this post is goin to be all about japan and my experiences there...

Japan's an awesome place and i just don't know where to begin. I've been there once before... in may of last year. But i didnt like it that much the last time. Guess all my focus was on something else. I spent 3 months there this time and just about fell in love with the whole place.

The language. It's so much fun to learn a new language. Our co-ordinator in Hitachi didn't know much English. And we needed to interact a lot with him.. So it was mostly gestures and the ever-present Atlas (a translation tool for Japanese to English and vice versa for those unfamiliar... ) but as time progressed i began to understand more and more of what he said. Of course given the high quality of our software, most of my vocabulary ended up revolving around bugs, defects, problems, quality, target, degrade, regression etc.. lol.. ;-) The language bug is still with me. I've joined the JLPT classes in office.. should be writing the exam in December. I'll let you know what happens then.. ;-))

The men!! I found so many japanese men attractive this time... Although i don't quite know what it was about them!! To name a few.. this guy on japanese tv who played a superhero.. he was awesome.. !! but then i guess super heroes are universally appealing ;-) Many of the guys working in Hitachi.. especially in the Server team.. ok let's not go into names here.. But there was this particular guy in the Server team who was hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.. sigh.. about the cutest guy i ever met! He was not much taller than me.. with dark eyes that seemed to have the slightest green to them.. He had a wonderful smile.. (we were always smiling at each other.. !! don't ask me why!!!!)

The service - Japanese service is an experience worth making a special trip to Japan for... Whether it's your local lawson shop attendant, whether it's a taxi driver or the yodobashi attendant.. they are supremely polite and just waiting to help you.. !! it doesnt matter if you dont know much japanese - the gadget friendly always have a translation tool in easy access. They flash it out and smile at you apologising all the while for their ignorance of english. Their apology makes things doubly embarassing - you're in their country and you don't know a word of their language.. !! When you come back to india and walk through Indian customs to meet the surly customs officer, you land back on earth with a bang.. !!!

And the sakura.. !! Now most people must have heard of this one - sakura is japanese cherry blossom. A beautiful delicate flower that blooms in spring and falls in just a few weeks reminding us that the most beautiful of things don't last long.... In fact their short lifespans make them all the more beautiful..

Hmm, i guess this post is getting too long.. Don't know how many of you people had the patience to get this far.. !! Comments, please.. !!

The whole arranged marriage thing

In school, if there was ever one thing that could get me all riled up, it was the concept of an arranged marriage. Phew!! I simply could not stand the thought of it during school. What kind of weird society, i thought, would set up two strangers to spend the rest of their lives together!!!! Indian society - it turns out, is the weirdest of societies!!! In fact, i think, the words 'love marriage' or 'arranged marriage' have a meaning only in an Indian world and would make almost no sense to a Westerner!!!!

As i moved through from school to college, my thoughts grew more mature. Maybe love is not all that it takes to get married and indeed to stay married. Look at the number of couples who break up, my friends said. They are all from the so-called love marriages. Couples from arranged marriages stick it out. They give the relationship more committment. Was it indeed that way??? I couldn't decide. But by this time, i'd come to realise that both marriages were accepted in this world and that's the way it would be. I would not be the harbringer of a revolution that would remove arranged marriages from this world!!!

Then another thought struck me - definitely, it's the love marriages which are more romantic. People who are in love want each other (in every sense of the word :) ) so atleast these marriages should be more fun than arranged weddings???? NOOOOOOOOO, said my cousin, in love marriages, the man and woman come into the relationship knowing each other well. There is no excitement in such a relationship, nothing left to learn. It's the arranged marriage which is more exciting. Hmmmm, i thought... Maybe she had a point.. But then another thought struck me.. Was she talking this way only because she had an arranged marriage?? As far as i know, she had liked a guy from college. But she hadn't dreamt of saying anythign to him because she knew her father would never agree to this kind of a marriage!!! My confusion continued..

Another 2 years passed. Another cousin was getting married. This time, it was a love marriage. Her dad had initially posed a lot of objections to her wedding too but love triumphed and she won him around. It seemed to me that this was the way to be. Two persons being brought together in wedlock should want to spend the rest of their lives together. Shouldn't they?????

And then finally, one day... My mother talks to me.. I think we should start looking out for an alliance for you, Harini. After all, you're 23 now.

Bang. There it is - 'The End'. Although my confusion still continues, it looks as though i will end up with an arranged marriage after all!!!

India Inc - CMM Level 4

Maybe this is going to sound stupid to some of you people...

I've recently been reading and hearing too much about CMM levels in software. Any Indian software company that has the CMM level 5 certification makes sure that this is mentioned all over it's website or recruitment portals. What makes a capability maturity model... What is the difference between CMM 4 and CMM 5. My PM would probably tell you that CMM 4 means that you have effective review practices such that you can control your defects after you make them. But CMM 5 is a process that makes sure you don't make those defects in the first place. Hmmm... I'm not sure if i got that right :-) Well, anyways, that's not the point.

I was thinking of these maturity level measuring models while listening to the news. And the major headline on the news was the rain. This has been the case for so many days now in Tamil Nadu. It just struck me that we could probably have a capability maturity model for governments, administrations and countries with respect to how they react to natural disasters. A country that could predict the occurance of natural disasters and put measures in place to handle such situations would fit into CMM level 5... A country that could not predict but could take good measures (such as evacuation of people, distribution of relief) after the disaster would fit into CMM Level 4.. Just a thought. India has only now got into the CMM Level 4 category. Miles to go before we sleep...

There are probably hundreds of situations into which such maturity models could be fitted into. It is a pity that their measurement is only used as a benchmark in profit oriented and highly competitive industries such as the software industry. Not just maturity models there are dozens of processes in software that could be applied to governments and administration. Processes that help in tracking progress, tagging accountability and superior management of resources. But wait, I am talking only of the software industry here. There are numerous other industries, older ones, which have great processes and management practices. But all of these industries have one thing in common with software. They are all profit oriented industries. Only industries and institutions that are profit oriented work. Only these have what it takes to succeed. The triumph of capitalism in the world today is proof of this fact.

Governments and administrations should have an incentive to succeed. Imagine a State Government in India working all round the clock because an audit from a professional CMM audit team was due. Whew!! I'll stop here. That was beyond my imagination.

Being in love ??!!

I found this online... This is a nice piece of writing... The song mentioned is a song by Micheal Learns to Rock... And it is beautiful. The guy who wrote this must have been interesting!!! Hmm... sigh....

"It's a crazy dream. When you're in love, all around you is a crazy dream. They call it seeing the world through rose-tinted glasses. :-) It's like you see all round you in bright colours. The grass looks greener, the sky looks bluer and everybody looks prettier and more beautiful. All because your lover has just given you a smile.

The bards and the poets were not lying when they said love was both pain and pleasure!! It's like a constant ache... cos you're always thinking of the person you love, in work and in play.. and even, in your sleep... It's true: It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all...

This is a beautiful song... Dedicated to...

"More Than A Friend"

You got me counting the seconds
It happens every time
I'm waiting for the moment
We can sit down and talk for awhile

And every time that you're near me
My heart is running away
How can I tell you
When words don't come easy
And there is so much I'm trying to say

::Chorus::LyricsCafe.com::
I wanna know that love will surround us
And you'll share it with me every day
Tell me you'll care for me now and forever
I'll give anything to hear you say
That I'm more than a friend

I'm gonna try in the future
Not to live in the past
I guess that I was a dreamer
If I thought it could ever last

But every time that I see you
you bring me out in the sun
How can I hide it when we are together
I just know that you're the only one

::Chorus::LyricsCafe.com::
I wanna know...

I wanna make you see everything you are to me
Try to understand
I wonder if you can
The love I have for you will always be true "

Those car people...

A rather sad thing to see...
I was riding to work today on my scooty. As usual i had to cross the crowded kathipara junction to get to my work place. All of a sudden, i noticed an argument going on in front of me. One guy was shouting at another who was on a cycle. The cyclist, i noticed, held a rearview mirror in his hand. He appeared repentant of whatever he had done. The other man kept pointing to a car and then the rearview mirror. It was only then that i saw the car.

In the back seat of the car, there were two men. Business executives, it looked like. They appeared rather prosperous and were reading the Economic Times. They did not appear to be bothered by the altercation that was going on between the driver (by then i had deduced that the man who has shouting at the cyclist had to be the driver) . The driver gestured to the car and asked the cyclist to apologise. The cyclist went hesitantly to the back door and said something. The driver meanwhile got into his seat. And then it seemed to me, that the driver asked the cyclist to pay up for the rearview mirror damaged. ( i had by then realised taht the cyclist in his haste to get to wherever he was going to.. had knocked off the rearview mirror from the car. It was for this that he was being given the punishment by the driver.) I was shocked when one of the business executives at the back of the car reached and hand out and took something from the driver. It looked like a hundred rupee note.

I don't know why this incident disturbs me so much. All said and done, the cyclist was definitely in the wrong. He had flouted traffic rules, damaged the car and endangered his own life in the process. At the least he would need to pay up for the damanges he had caused. But it was the attitude of the guys at the back which bothered me so much. Why were they so ready and willing to accept the money from the man? Did a rearview mirror matter so much? Would it not have been enough to just give the man a telling-off to and then forgetting the matter? After all, the man had not done anything that the car driver would not have done. And these executives, to whom a hundred rupees was not even going to cover the expense of a day.... Surely these people of all did not need the money???? Why did they take it from a hapless man who already looked like he had no money at all????? And the driver, surely he should have realised the poverty-stricken situation of the cyclist? Was he not in a better position compared to the executives to appreciate the cruelties of poverty????

The whole drama seemed to me like a scene from a communist movie.. demonstrating the insensitivity of the bourgeois class and the haplessness of the impoverished... Like one of those moscow dachaus (isn't that the russian word for bungalows) when most of the other russians were living in match box like flats...

I am not very sure if indeed the cyclist gave money to the car people. But it certainly seemed like he did. And i lost a little of the firm belief i have in the goodness of humans today.