On the tight-rope

Not whole, I'm a piece
Seeking asylum and peace
This delicate balance wears me down
Makes me all-the-time wear a frown

I leave home rushing to work
Leave office to rush home
Feel guilty when I leave work
Feel guilty when I leave home

More and more demands on me
Do you not see
This is the limit
I'm being torn apart

I cook and I clean
Striving to get my mother's sheen
And still I spot that stain
And it gives me a lot of pain

Relax, it'll happen
You really should be home by seven
Stress can cause this
It's not something you should ever miss

The team comes first
Your family comes first
And where do I come?
For me there's no room

Wolf Totem

Wolf Totem - The name was so fascinating that I just had to pick the book up. When I read the writing on the back cover of the book, I hesitated - it did not seem to be so unusual after all. Finally I decided that I would read the book. I need something that was a bit heavy and something that would take a while to read.
This book is a translation from a recent Chinese bestseller. And when you read the book - this fact becomes more obvious. Awkward prose and grammar, inadequate descriptions and metaphors that don't fit into English - all of these are part of this book. And yet, when you read the book - it stays with you for a long time.
The story is about a few Chinese students, sent to the Mongolian wilderness, during Mao Tsetung's most active time - a time when communism ruled China in spirit as well as in name. Chinese communism is shown to defy all of the traditions of the past, all of the wisdom that was part of ancient Chinese as well as Mongolian civilization. The students grapple with conflicting idealogies and come to choose Mongolian wisdom over Modern Chinese philosophy. But meanwhile the Mongolian grassland and the awe-inspiring ecology it supports is destroyed.
There is a common theme woven through the entire script - that balance is found in natural ways. It is now modern to protest any disaster or natural calamity; right from a miscarriage to a earthquake and to think of ways in which these disasters can be prevented. But perhaps such things happen merely to set the balance in nature right and to preserve the world in it's current state.

Did you know that wolves do not kill all of their prey? Through spring and through winter, they allow some prey to escape so they will have food to eat later.
And yet today we level grasslands and forest; kill plant and animal life and expect the world's weather and climate to go on as before. We are beset with new diseases; caused by pesticides and pollution and the faster pace of our lives today. If we would only learn to let some things go perhaps we would be better off.

Read the book - it stays with you and makes you think.

Mortality Pays a Visit

This is again with reference to my previous post. About living life each day as if that day would be the last. Can we ever imagine living life as if it were the last day? Can we imagine truly that we might not be alive the very next day? I think we can try but never be able to fully grasp this. I believe that we go through each day we live because we imagine that we may live forever. Not just us but our loved ones.

I have been paid a visit by mortality. I have learnt today what it really means to imagine that you or a loved one may not live tomorrow. One of my sister's friends learnt that her husband has brain tumour. And of course it has to be a malignant brain tumour. There were not too many symptoms except that he used to get headaches once in a while. Since he was used to getting migraine headaches, he imagined that this would also be one of them. He suddenly collapsed one day and has now found that he has brain tumour. Imagine what he must be going through. He has a very young family. A little girl and a boy... both under 10 years of age. This news particularly struck home as I lost my father at a very early age. I was five when he passed away. I know how life-changing this kind of a disaster can be.
I have now made a fresh resolution to not complain too much about the day to day problems that I face. This kind of an event does put things into perspective.

Please pray for my sister's friend - Alka. I'm hoping their little family will be able to cope with all the challenges that this illness has brought to them.

Carpe Diem

To live each day as if it were your last. Easily said, isn't it? Do you really think about it? what would you do if this day were your last? I thought about it and came to the depressing conclusion that I would definitely not want to go to work on my last day. Does that mean I'm in the wrong job? Following your dreams and chasing your goals is all fine, but could I really quit my job in search of something far less tangible? A far-off glimmering mirage? I don't think so. But I do think that if I don't like my job, then there are things I can do to better my day. Like for instance, beginning to blog again. Blogging helps me believe that I too am a writer. And this is definitely something I want to take to my last day. What other things would I want to do? I would want to spend the day with my mom, my husband and my sister. What else? I would not want a single last day... I would want a whole month, maybe a few years worth of last days... I would want to travel and find new things every single day, speak multiple languages with flair and ease, play some sport, learn to dance.

Hmmmmmm.

Hmmm...

Two things that have deeply affected me in the past week:1. Monday's headline news in the Times of India regarding the husband who murdered his wife after suspecting that she had an affair with a colleague at work. This was very disturbing because i could relate to the people involved in the murder. They were newly married - less than a year since the wedding. He was a software engineer. She was working in a bank. Parents were away in another city. They were staying alone in Koramangala. She'd been coming home late for some time and I don't know if she actually had an affair or not. But the fact that he decided to murder her over it was something I could just not accept. So scary!!! Does this kind of thing actually happen in real life? Apparently it does. FACT IS STRANGER THAN FICTION.
2. The tamil movie Anjaathe. What a scary movie. The modus operandi followed to kidnap the girls was eerily believable. No dramatics. And the villain of the movie - Prasanna has essayed an extremely convincing role. His perverted activities, the way he held the mirror beneath the door to watch the heroine change clothes!!! It gives me goosebumps and scares me.. a hell of a lot!